Light A Fire Within: Coming Back From Creative Burnout

For the last two years, I’ve been on a hiatus from photography. Well, kind of. I’ve still been practicing, and I try to pick up my camera every day, but I stopped taking on clients en masse, especially weddings. Long story short, I got burned out.

Leading up to my break, I found myself staying up until three or four in the morning many nights, doing my best to keep my head above water. Editing, marketing, responding to

emails. Inevitably, I found myself behind. I could never get ahead of curve. My exhaustion was showing in my work and the way I communicated with my clients. Instead of stepping back and determining what I needed to change, I decided to walk away from the business that I’d worked so hard on. In the midst of my stress, I couldn’t clearly see my options, whether that be taking short breaks, or making small changes to prevent or remedy overexertion. I believed that if I couldn’t handle a wedding almost every weekend, I was a failure. I used the excuse that I had my own wedding to plan, which wasn’t a total lie, because that felt like a full-time job in and of itself. But it wasn’t the full truth, either. I took down my Facebook page and website and wrapped everything up in early 2015. I had become disenfranchised with what I was doing, and it was time to take a break.

Truth be told, I didn’t really know if I’d ever come back to the photography business.

The year before I started my hiatus, I was totally overbooked. Every single weekend was jam-packed, and I was drowning in work. For some entrepreneurs, that might sound like a dream come true, but the reality is, it was impossible to maintain. I mistakenly attached how busy I was, to how successful I felt. That’s a recipe for disaster. No wonder I ultimately burned out. Quantifying your success based on bookings is a passion-killer. My craft had turned in stress work and not my best work. Since I measured my worth in busyness, when the following year’s calendar wasn’t filled to the brim, I felt like a failure. Consumed by the chaos, I couldn’t see my wins. For example, my technical photography skills had improved dramatically, and my word-of-mouth marketing efforts were showing fruit. Had I been able to recognize these successes, looking at my calendar, I would have known that it was full enough. I didn’t need more bookings. I didn’t need more weddings.

If only I stepped back for a moment, I would’ve understood that down-time makes me happier, not more stressed. I needed space to nourish my artistic talents that had been neglected for so long. I lost sight of why I pursued photography in the first place, and my individual style had stagnated.

My favorite word in the English language is “create.” Prior to my break, I lived and died by the idea that if I wasn’t constantly creating, there was a problem. I didn’t allow myself to rest.

Over the last two years, I reflected on the lessons that led to me to step away from the photography business. It was time well-spent getting back in touch with photography as an art form. Quite simply, I started doing it just for fun. I photographed flowers, my husband, my dogs, the light coming through my cat’s whiskers, raindrops on my roses. With a few weddings, second shooter gigs, and plenty of seniors and models sprinkled in, I started exploring styles I had been too afraid - or too busy - to commit to. In time, I rediscovered why I enjoy photography, and gradually, I found myself growing stylistically in ways I hadn't for a long time.

Moving forward, I struggled with a wounded confidence. I had to find a way to be honest with myself if I was going to overcome my perceived failure and re-enter the photography business. Thankfully, I discovered Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way, which proved tremendously helpful with my self-examination. While journaling along with the book (she calls it “Morning Pages”), I realized the time I wasted neglecting my artistic needs. By immersing myself in the projects of those around me, I found glimpses of creative joy, but not creative fulfillment. I realized I needed to be the one making the creative decisions and doing what I truly wanted to do.

For two years, I explored all my options. There are tons of creative outlets I enjoy,

but ultimately, my roots are firmly planted in photography. I invested too much in my equipment and technical progress over the past ten years to abandon photography altogether. Time away from the field and self-reflection allowed me to recognize the talent and passion I have for this practice. Today, I’m committed to balancing creative and business pursuits with the assistance of my hard-learned lessons.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

#1. Book wisely.

This whole mess started with me overbooking myself, so booking wisely had to be my top priority. I responsibly calculated how much I needed to make a year and how many weddings that required. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t going to take every single weekend to make that happen.

#2. Prioritize creative enjoyment.

When I looked at the work I was doing before my break, it became clear what I enjoyed and what I didn’t. I was happiest shooting outdoor and barn weddings and senior sessions in natural settings. I am most inspired when I can be outside in nature with my clients and my work. I am not a “convention center” wedding photographer, and that's okay. It’s more honest and fulfilling if I can refer those brides to photographers who do amazing work in those settings.

#3. Work with people that make you feel good.

Along the way, I discovered a love of working with small businesses. I came to this realization when two of my friends opened their own businesses. Through my photography, I had the pleasure of helping them grow and the satisfaction of contributing to their success. This experience helped me understand that working with people and for causes that make me feel good, is a great use of my skills.

Ultimately, I’m grateful the burnout happened when it did. It was a great learning experience and gave me perspective for my future endeavors in photography -- if not all aspects of my life. I feel so much more calm and focused when it comes to where I hope to take my photography business now. Two amazing mentors told me, “Don’t light a fire under people, light a fire within them.” For creative entrepreneurs, or really anyone, this is an important lesson. Light up, don’t burnout. The more you fuel your own fire, the more you have to give when it’s time to get to work. Light a fire within yourself so that you can be your best self in every facet of your life.

Author’s note: It's worth mentioning that I don't think I would have made this personal breakthrough without the discovery of The Artist's Way by Julia Cameron. I have urged every creative person in my life to read it and journal along with it. Even if you wouldn't describe yourself as an artist, the introspective tools it gives you are worth the time it takes you to read it. I plan to use it over and over again in my daily life and projects that I have planned for the future.

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Helen, is the lady behind the lens. A fella and three hound dogs have her heart on the edge of the Arkansas River in Oklahoma. She loves wild flowers and golden sunlight. She’s crazy about her houseplants, crystal collecting, and creating beautiful images in natural settings. Her specialties include binge watching original Netflix series and a little thing called Chicken Asparagus Casserole. You can connect with her on Instagram @HelenBarker.co or at www.HelenBarker.co.

Bio photo credit: Jessica Robinson Photography