Anxiety And The City: A Tale Of Self Care

They say if you can make it in New York City, you can make it anywhere. I tend to believe that if you can make it in New York City with anxiety, you can really make it anywhere.

My anxiety surfaced as a pre-teen, before I knew ‘anxiety’ was even a mental health condition. I was described by my family, friends and teachers as shy, mousy and apprehensive of social situations. As a college student, my anxiety kept me locked up in my dorm room many Saturday nights. As a young adult, I knew that something had to change.

Considering all the things that trigger my anxiety, I should not be living in NYC. The sound of car horns, loud music, people shouting, large crowds, construction noises, public transportation, and traffic: all triggers and all unavoidable in the big city. It was never my plan to move here, but because of the industry I work in and my irrational fear of driving, New York was the perfect place for me to put roots.

After living in the city for nearly two years, I’ve learned that you’re forced to face your anxieties head on. Unable to escape the fact that the subway is the way to get around the city, I had no choice but to tackle my transportation-induced apprehension. What am I going to do, walk two hours from Brooklyn to Manhattan? I had to get over that fear quickly.

Ultimately, New York is the place that made me thrive as a young woman. On a daily basis, I’m forced to deal with my anxieties. Each morning, I decide if I’m going to be a prisoner of my own mind. The city is so beautiful, so full of life, that you’re willing to risk a moment of panic to experience all that it has to offer. Like, walking the Brooklyn Bridge for the first time -- despite the chaotic flow of people, suspended above the water. Or, making your way to the top of the Empire State building, far above the city bustle below, just to soak up the breathtaking view. It was not enough to simply flood myself with overwhelming stimuli, I had to learn how to cope.

Leaning on self-care as my foundation, I’ve developed a few coping mechanisms that I rely on regularly to get me through day-to-day city-living.

1. Take time to be alone. I have social anxiety, which means I tend to have irrational fears surrounding social interactions. Some may misinterpret this as being antisocial, but I actually enjoy being around people. Social interactions drain the life out of me, so after a day of being around people, sometimes I just like to be alone.

2. Say “no.” In New York City, the city that never sleeps, where YOLO and FOMO are the standard for living, there is little appreciation for rest. Motivated by the fear of missing out on a magical evening, I sometimes find myself out in the city, enticed by friends and promises of a good time, only to be wishing I stayed home. Most of the time, I’d rather light a candle and crack open a book on a Saturday night than hit up the latest bar. Or better yet, opening up a bottle of wine and kicking it with my roommates or a few good friends. The bars will be always be open next weekend. Despite how it might feel, you don’t have to say yes to every invite you get. I’ve come to love the word “no.” Sometimes I feel like a toddler who just learned to speak that word for the first time and that is ok.

3. Talk about it. Conversation can be the best therapy. I’ve been lucky enough to make real friendships with people who are always there when I need to vent. It’s great to talk about your anxieties, whether it is to talk yourself down, or to feel like you have support.

4. Find a happy place. The city can be stressful, but it’s also filled with beautiful places. When I’m feeling really anxious, sometimes I go for a short walk around my neighborhood or venture out to the park to read a book. It gives me a chance to clear my head and get some fresh air.

The most important piece of advice I can give you is this: fear and anxiety are natural human emotions, but you cannot let these emotions dictate every moment of your life. One of the greatest victories is suppressing that little voice of doubt in the back of your head, keeping you from experiencing the joy of everyday moments. Indiscriminately giving into our fears can lead to a life of regret and disappointment, and that is certainly no way to live.

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Imani Albert is a New York City transplant living in Brooklyn. She writes about city living, women's issues, social equality and mental wellness. Check her out on Facebook, Tumblr, or Instagram: @imanishante.