Walk Through Darkness Leads to Lifelong Sisterhood

“I would rather walk with a friend in the dark, than alone in the light” - Helen Keller

Tragedies in life can be hard to deal with -- especially those that leave you feeling isolated. They leave a mark on your life and play a role in shaping the person you become.

This isn't a sob story, but rather, a reminder of the important role girlfriends play in navigating life’s challenges. So often, women are accused of exhibiting attention-seeking behavior, when they are being raw and real. We are expected to act well-mannered, not to feel, or to hide our feelings. You know: “Go fix your makeup, hide your crazy, and start acting like a lady.” Girlfriends helped me understand that I wasn’t “crazy,” my feelings were legitimate, and I wasn’t alone.

You must be wondering what tragedies have made me, me. Suicide.

I was thirteen, and barely finding myself as a woman when I lost my dad. I was twenty-one and a new mother when my son’s father took his life. I lost so much with both deaths. However, that’s not what this story is about. It’s about all the things I gained: my voice, remarkable strength, and everlasting friendship.

Shortly after the loss of my son’s father, I found American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (AFSP), a nonprofit dedicated to saving lives and bringing hope to those affected by suicide. It wasn’t long before I signed up for my first “overnight,” an eighteen mile walk through the darkness to raise awareness of suicide, connect advocates and survivors, and begin my own healing process. I embarked on this journey alone, just as I had been for the past eight years. What I didn’t know then, was that I would not be finishing it alone.

I met Anya Mayoss-Hurd and her sister Becca the night before the walk. There was an instant spark. She never told me how to feel. She allowed me to speak and feel and hurt. She knew what to say, and what not to say, and when words weren’t necessary at all. About halfway through our walk, we met Nicole Tong. Nicole, too, knew the pain of suicide loss. Much like Anya, Nicole, allowed me to speak and feel and hurt. We shared our pain and our hopes and our triumphs. The journey I started alone, I finished with two new friends by my side.

Nicole and Anya live thousands of miles away from me. Nicole is a gentle, beautiful, and athletic spirit with the courage of an army. I’ve seen Nicole only once since our first overnight. It was on our second walk, but the feelings were still the same. She stood in front of everyone and spoke about how suicide had affected her life, and how she had found community, the same community I had found, in doing these walks. Anya is a powerful and adventurous spirit, with a killer smile and a personality that brightens my days -- all the way from British Columbia. My respect and appreciation for these two women can barely be put into words. They helped to fill the holes in my heart, just a bit, each in their own special ways.

Our friendship reminds me that it's okay to be a woman. It's okay to hurt, and cry big, fat, ugly tears. It's okay to feel, and be angry, and express yourself as the beautifully imperfect perfection that is womanhood. It's okay to share our stories, and speak without reservations about suicide and mental illness, or whatever it is that makes us feel.

Having powerful women on your team will only empower you. They will lift you up and make you whole. They will remind you every day that you are beautiful and worthy. We as women need to recognize the importance of female friendships. It's okay to have a friend, and to need a friend; and it's so, so critical to be a friend.

I love you ladies with all my heart, and even though we are worlds apart, I value our friendship so much more than the miles between us.