3 Easy Ways to Help a Friend With Depression

It would probably surprise a lot of people that I struggled with depression. I’m a cheery person, a jokester, a lover of comedies, and general silliness, and a person who’s literally been accused of smiling too often. (An interviewer told me that once!) And despite my natural cheer, I experienced some of my darkest days over the last few years. Depression doesn’t discriminate, and in my case, it took to me well. Takeaway: depression can, and will, affect many of our loved ones.

Knowing how to support a girlfriend struggling with depression can be a gamechanger. It can be the difference between eating an entire box of off-brand double-chocolate chunk cookies and crying softly to Brokeback Mountain, and maybe -- possibly -- going to bed on time, healthily discussing her feelings, and basically, not subsisting on only cookies. While getting to a doctor was ultimately crucial for my recovery, support from my friends was also an important component. Girlfriends helped me understand why my joy was important, why my feelings were validated, and why it was “okay to not feel okay” sometimes.

Here are a few easy things friends did for me that helped:

#1 Give your friend something small, but meaningful

Maybe you’re love-language is the gifting type. A couple of my girlfriends fall squarely within that category, and really showed up when I was at my lowest. Gifts are a great way to remind someone tangibly that they matter. I’ve noticed that when I’m depressed, I feel incredibly detached from the world around me. Little gifts from friends are a great way to bring me back to the present.

A couple things to keep in mind if you are of the gifting variety: keep the gift small and keep the gift positive. I’m talking dollar-bin-at-Target small. Massive gifts can feel like a lot of attention is being placed on the person who is receiving it, and if that person is like me, when I feel depressed, I hide in my house. Extra far away from people. Keeping the gift small is a no-obligations, no-pressure way of telling your girlfriend you love them and are thinking of them. For example, one girlfriend of mine came over every Friday afternoon to bring me slice-and-bake cookies, wine, or a little trinket she found that reminded her of me. In at least three cases, the gifts were various household objects covered in Boston Terrier print. I still use them. And when she gave them to me, I’d look at them and think of her, and my dog, and the positive feelings that came with the both of them.

Another thing to keep in mind is to keep the gift positive. Like household objects-covered-in-pictures-of-your-dog positive. Maybe it’s their favorite snack; or a playlist you made them; or a DIY painting of a naked lady; or a pro-women bumper stick set. But, be careful with booze. I realize I mentioned one friend who brought me wine, which I thoroughly enjoyed, but I’ve also known friends and family who probably need less wine when they are struggling with depression. Keep it safe, positive, and small.

#2 Make time for face-to-face

When you’re depressed, seeing other humans in the flesh is not on the top of your priority list. The top of your priority list is probably: figuring out how to make it through the day, not sleeping all hours of the day, trying to sleep at all, attempting to perform your job to the best of your abilities even though you’d rather be anywhere else, trying to not eat all-the-cookies, trying to eat at all, and other life-and-death tasks. All that being said, seeing other humans is so important. Like I mentioned before, when I’m depressed, I feel incredibly detached from the world around me; seeing friends in the flesh, much like receiving a tangible gift, reminds me to focus on the present -- to live in that moment with them, and to forget about all the wonky chemicals in my brain.

If seeing someone face-to-face isn’t possible, perhaps your best friend lives 7.5 hours away in Washington, DC, Facetime is the second best runner up. Since I’ve started Facetiming more with long-distance friends, I continue to find myself telling them: “I feel like you’re here with me!” There’s something about seeing someone’s face that lifts my spirits and reminds me my existence matters to them.

#3 Distract, distract, distract

One of the easiest ways to help a girlfriend experiencing depression is to distract them. When I’m working through a bout of depression, I am completely consumed in my own thoughts. I cannot stress the relief that comes from being distracted from those thoughts -- even for just a little while. After a visit with my doctor during one of these bouts, where she told me I needed more sunshine, I started power walking once a week with a friend of mine. Every Monday night, we’d beat the pavement in our neighborhood, where we’d gossip about celebrities, whine about work, celebrate our loves, and completely distract me from my own inner battle. For two hours every Monday, I’d completely forget about all the worries troubling my mind, and I’d laugh about Taylor Swift, the latest trends on USC’s campus (really long t-shirts that fully encompass corresponding exercise shorts), and our latest relationship flubs. With summer over and the temperatures less stifling, I’m looking forward to adding Monday Night Power Walking back into my life.

As for me, right now, I’m in a great place. I’ve made some dramatic life changes, prioritized my happiness above all else, and seen a doctor and therapist. Depression is something that many people work through their entire lives or, at least, at several points in their lives, so I plan to keep taking things day-by-day. I am so grateful to those that helped me get to this point and continued to love me through the process.

Editor’s note: If you’re struggling with depression or thoughts of suicide, there is help and hope. For someone to talk to 24 hours a day, seven days a week call: 211 or visit their website: http://www.211.org.