The Bruises That Bind Us

A few weeks ago I sat on the floor at the gym side-by-side with my friend and teammate, Fitz, and held back tears as I watched the first ever Olympic Gold Medal Women’s Rugby match. My emotions took me by surprise. The United States wasn’t in the match. I certainly didn’t know any of the players personally. But there was something so moving about watching my community, female rugby players, get some serious recognition on a global stage televised in the United States. We have come so far. I have come so far. And I owe so much of it to this community of badass women who came before me.

I play for the Columbia Bombshells Women’s Rugby Club. I started in January of 2014. I had no athletic experience at all; had literally never been on a sports team of any kind. In law school, I had flatly refused to play powderpuff football because the idea of getting knocked down terrified me. Who would volunteer to get thrown to the ground? Crazy people, that’s who. Now, I cannot imagine my life without rugby, without my team. My first experience with rugby was watching the College of Charleston’s Women’s team. A good friend’s sister played and we went down to watch her. My initial impression was that these women were amazing, and strong, and terrifying, and that there was no way I could ever do that. But then we spent some time with the team. I found their attitude intoxicating. They were irreverent, and angry, and hard. But they were also open, and loving, and accepting. They scoffed at traditional notions of femininity, flaunting their bruises and scrapes in sundresses or eschewing sundresses altogether. They considered their male counterparts to be equals and accepted no less in return. When these women played the same sport, on the same field, with the same ball and same rules as the men, how could the men not oblige? I was smitten.

I wanted to be one of them. Unfortunately, I was 25 years old, did not live in Charleston, and did not attend the College of Charleston. So after a few months of contemplating, I googled “women’s rugby in Columbia” and found the Bombshells. My roommate, Amanda Dinkins, came out with me to that first practice, for which I am so grateful. I don’t know that I would’ve had the courage to go alone. And y’all, it was hard. So hard. It still is some days. But I stuck it out, I learned and got better and I found a home. For the first time in my life, I found a place where my body was valued not for how it looked, but for what it could do. These women looked at my 5’9” 160 pound self and thought about what I could do with that height and how I could throw my weight around. I was so accustomed to appraising my value based on what other people wanted to do to my body that I had scarcely scratched the surface of all the amazing things I could do with it. I am more confident and self-assured than I have ever been in my life. I am so deeply grateful to the Bombshells for that lesson.

The Columbia Bombshells are a pretty new team. Sometimes, it is frustrating that women’s rugby is still in its infancy in the southeastern United States. It is frustrating when you can’t recruit enough players because no one knows you exist. But it is also kind of amazing because it means the founders of my team are still around. They coach, and teach, and help to support us. When I go to vote I can feel grateful for the suffragettes. I can watch Iron Jawed Angels and cry. But I can’t personally thank those women. They aren’t cheering me on from outside the voting booth. But when I’m grateful for my team I can jog across the field to Simone, one of our founders who now coaches the men’s team, or send out a message on Facebook to all the women who poured themselves into this game when women’s rugby wasn’t a thing here. They built this from the ground up. They ignored naysayers who told them women weren’t tough enough or strong enough. That the field was too big for our female frames, the ball too big for our hands. They laughed at the people who said they couldn’t play rugby and just did it anyway. And now, women’s rugby is an Olympic sport. It’s amazing to be a part of their legacy and to have them present as we carry it on.

Female friendship is a sacred thing. A special bond that often gets overlooked in our male dominated society. But not in women’s rugby. Women’s rugby has been built on the strength of those bonds. On the days when I want to quit, because it’s hard to recruit or I’m battered and bruised or both, I find the strength to continue from the women around me. I draw strength from the women who came before me; who bequeathed to me their hard won legacy. I draw strength from the young girls who saw female rugby players in the Olympics or locally and know that they too can play, can be strong and confident, no matter what other people tell them. But most importantly, I draw strength from the women beside me, from my team and our opponents. They are my best friends in the world. I know they’ve got my back and I’ve got theirs because we are all a part of something bigger than ourselves. We are all a part of the beautiful mess that is women’s rugby.

If you want to build a strong and lasting friendship with another woman play rugby with her. Bind on to her in a scrum. Run full force into an opposing player safe in the knowledge that she’s got your back. Ruck over her and use your own body to protect the ball she just carried down field for your team. Trust her to be there to support you and do the same for her. And when it’s all over, let her help you off the field, let her help you carry your burdens both physical and mental. To all my rugby ladies, please know that when I say, “I’m with you” as I follow you into contact, I mean it. I’m with you on the field and off.

Rugby Terms:

Scrum - an ordered formation of players, used to restart play, in which the forwards of a team form up with arms interlocked and heads down, and push forward against a similar group from the opposing side. The ball is thrown into the scrum and the players try to gain possession of it by kicking it backward toward their own side.

Ruck - a phase of play where one or more players from each team, who are on their feet, in physical contact, close around the ball on the ground in an effort to maintain or gain possession of the ball after the ball carrier has been tackled.

Visit Columbia Bombshells Women’s Rugby Club to learn more and contact the team. If you don’t live in Columbia you can use USA Rugby’s team locator to find a team near you.